This is difficult. As I sit here and write this, it seems nearly impossible to see the light. But I will keep searching, for I know it is there...
Being a small business owner, or any kind of business owner absolutely has its rewards, but in kind also has massive challenges. One of those incredible challenges is managing a personal life outside of your business. Because let's face it, we are human. We are susceptible to human mistakes, human humility, and human emotions. There's really no avoiding it. Things in our lives will happen that seem impossibly out of control. It won't always go the way we want or expect, and almost certainly never according to our own timeline.
The past three years have seemed to truly encompass such circumstances. My husband and I have suffered devastating blows with infertility, depression, and more familial death than I'd care to disclose. It seems to have been a never ending river of sadness and defeat, leaving a wake of wreckage in our path. We've spent hours upon hours discussing and analyzing, reevaluating, and confronting trauma from years past. We've unearthed the ugliness of our anger, the helplessness of our grief, and finally the moxi to carry on. It's a cycle I'm none-to0-happy to be so familiar with.
Despite all of this, one thing remains. One thing I can come back to time and again. My skincare business. While owning a small business may seem overwhelming during such times, I have found it not to be an oppressor, rather a comfort. My business is my constant. I look to her for reprieve. She requires me to adjust my way of thinking from victim to creator. I have ultimate control in this world. I can make decisions and change my mind as often as I need to. She has become my unfailing rock amidst the treacherous sea of life.
But of course, that doesn't change that this is still hard. Realistically, some days I would like nothing better than to curl up or wither away. Overcoming grief and processing emotions takes ages, sometimes an entire lifetime. It's not often you can lock it up and walk away. It begs for attention, pleads for your time. So how does one cope with real world problems yet still learn to function in the effervescent world of entrepreneurship? I'm not entirely sure I have the answer, but like most things, it requires balance.
I mean, here's the thing...I can do both. I can be sad AND also run a successful business. I can take time to feel my losses AND keep my creative pursuits fed. It comes down to giving permission for both of these things to exist simultaneously. They need to. For without dark, there is no light, and without light there can be no dark. Balance.
So later today, as the tears roll down my hot cheeks from yet another loss, I will try and recall my own words. I can cry AND make soap. They certainly aren't mutually exclusive. There is both comfort and healing to be found in work. And somewhere in between the hopeless messes, the light will find its way through. It always does.